Why being serious about life?
I finished watching the 'Pluribus' series as it was recommended by Ivan. He said enigmatically there were 'deep thoughts and concepts' we could discuss later. Regretfully I didn't manage to get involved in the story. The bad guys are too nice and consistent in their doings while the protagonist is jerky, sharky and unable to reason. I avoid spoilers. What does matter here is that many series were useless for the plot, a pure filler without the chance to live through the global catastrophe. The dynamics were very unbalanced: it was both '2012' level of epicness and an amateur film without any logic. Once finished I informed Ivan I was ready for his abstract discussions but he didn't answer even though my message was read. Well... okay?
I was too serious about such a non-serious thing as human life is. Inhale, exhale. Live how you can and do whatever we want (unless it breaks the criminal code). That's all. I don't want to chase things I don't need. I don't want to fit into the mold of expectations. I am another piece of meat, a product of biology. And this nihilism makes me happy. I am not Hercules, a demigod to be obliged to commit exploits. I do what I can to get where I want to. Period. I was thinking too much about things that don't change anything in the great scheme of things. To think I spent so many years trying to get to terms with my national identity. My father and mother belong to two people. And that's it. Why should I make a choice and sever one of two hands because of the politics? Nope, I won't. The same applies to the 'need' to start a family before X years or buy a car even though I hate driving.
My cousin sister celebrates 30 before my birthday. I consider making her some intricate quest as a present. We were open with each other tonight and I shared a part of my older journey on the furry discord server. She was clearly shocked. But that was where I had met Ivan, a man who lived more than 8000km from me. I am happy to realise I don't pursue male friendship anymore. This pattern died unfulfilled. But instead of mourning it I am relieved the wound healed even though a cicatrix will remain with me.