Speculating on shadows
I might have mentioned before that my former head of department, Victoria, had been promoted. Her predecessor is quitting together with her deputy leaving a painfully large field of work to her alone. Once Victoria mentioned this upcoming problem during our collective morning coffee routine, a lucrative thought pierced my mind. What if she offered me that position? A decent promotion to me as for now I am a basic employee. To think I was her right hand for two and half years, I know her well enough and that's mutual. When Victoria started arguing 'nobody sane is willing to take that offer' I asked her enigmatically 'There sure could be someone among your subordinates'. She huffed 'You think so? I asked them all?' Fine, I won't push this topic further. I know why the deputy head is leaving, and her motives are actually positive. She's coming back to city of M. following her beloved husband who's going to work there. Her daughter is living happily in EU raising a girl who barely speaks our language but is very comfortable somewhere far away. I knew it all when I entered my current head's room for another task. That deputy head was there chatting about big plans for a simpler life. Suddenly she turns to me asking: 'We managed to lure in Victoria. Why don't you take my position?!' To save my face I replied 'If the new boss makes me that offer I'll consider it'
I decided to message Ivan first. He was friendly but not very talkative. Once again I felt a pang of slight regret. For real, nobody owes me anything, their time included. But following this logic we can all become hermits never messaging others and neither expecting others to do so. I miss the times when he was open enough to be silly aroud me. If one day our conversations go very wrong he can always block me, damn it. Why this silence? I don't spam him, I've set a rule to write first if our silence becomes longer that a week. He'll never meet me in the street as we live thousands of kilometres away from each other. He doesn't risk anything to be more heartful. I am tired of 'I'm fine, and you?' mechanical replies. In Slavic culture this is not normal unlike in the West. You are expected to elaborate even just a little about your state of affairs, especially when they are going well. Too good I have a place to vent.
I think about taking away my toast button so that I don't give in to the temptation of polishing texts with tools and translator, to avoid the idea of perform for the local analogue of likes. I speak to the void and let others, if they'd like to, peek into it. I just need to find the way to hide this thing somewhere in the code. Other than that I replaced my Atabook with Letterbird. This is a more straightforward way to engage in correspondence rather than inviting to comment on my blog itself.
Why did I feel here the urge to overshare? That's not healthy. I stop.