Sour aftertaste
Ivan's behaviour isn't typical as normally he is still online at midnight. He didn't read my message so far, he must be sleeping by now. The situation is somehow frustrating, because the tension of waiting didn't reach its climax. My inner child wants to protest and ghost his message if he gives any feedback. I analyse my psychological patterns and smile sadly: oh sh*t, here we go again with strokes of attachment trauma on my moody canvas. If someone can't play with me right now I get upset and show my dissatisfaction to guilt trip that person. Applause, that's an act of a fully formed adult (sarcasm). I need to be wise and avoid falling off the wagon of common sense.
While lurking on bearblog I found a blog of a young woman from Germany whose profile photo was done in 1px graphic style. It was such a stylish decision I adopted her idea for my own blog design. Now I like it, it has some personality without being overloaded. To be honest, that was the most joyful part of this day. I got a call in the end of the working day I needed to go again to the publishing house on Monday because they messed something up in the documents and I have to do somehow within my working hours on the main job. Here I wanted to put exclamation marks and type some very bad words. Okay. Then I decided to order a pizza because why not. The call centre specialist answered bluntly 'We don't serve your part of the city because of current weather conditions'.
I think about degoogling my life. I can't shake the feeling they got too intrusive and annoying. Maybe that's another hypefixation and will fade away. But I really feel an abstract urge to declutter digitally. There are too many things and most of them leak something about me, they affect my attention span and inner peace. AI? I don't care about it much. We managed to ruin ourselves without it prior to 2022. By the way I try to learn the sphere (as an ordinary user), because learning and understanding is always better that direct avoiding. A new actor enters the scene. I need to get to know it. That's my philosophy.
But you see... I am an ordinary man with biologically limited abilities to process information (unlike machines). I think I barely cope with the current stream of news and novelties. I want to have the privilege to stay offline and don't give a heck about anything. But I can't. It is not about news like politics and stuff. It's about phenomena that do affect my real life like another questionable law or algorithm to conduct procedures. It is all too complicated, too changeable and overwhelming. I try to do something with it. What I understood is that any kind of rationalising things don't give much result. Mindful this, mindful that. Setting up time limits and offloading days. After reading or watching another guru I register they all offer bandages without healing the wound with information pus leaking from the screen. The only guy I really enjoyed to listen was Luke Smith. His video story is funny. It looks like he sporadically wanders to the woods to shoot a short clip to tell something based and then vanish again for half a year. I am surprised he is an Orthodox Christian. I was raised in this very cultural paradigma, but I never met it in the Western media.