Nostalgic moth
For some reason I had the urge to start the entry with something like 'Hello again'. But I cringed and swapped it to the opening paragraph. Today's sun is instilling hope and makes me smile. First humble notes that spring will eventually come are felt in the air. I love early spring, this is my favourite part of the year.
When I saw a Slovak post on the feed (and I was happy I was able to understand it) I wanted again to start writing in my national language like I had done before on other sites. My problem is that I have always ended making the language my main topic to the detriment of stories about myself. I wrote a little more on this in my introduction post. So I drop the idea this time. Instead of performing for I don't know who exactly I prefer speaking to the world the way I can.
At this moment I put my text in Languagetool that I can't purchase even theoretically because of sanctions to assess how good or bad my English is so far. It will pass for me. In this epoch of AI assistance and constant improvement my attempt to express myself only with what vocabulary I have in my mind feel slightly revolutional.
I am a moth that tries to reach the light but hit against the lamp glass. I feel I can get off the screen and live again like in mid 2000s. But I got accustomed to check constantly news, to close work cases from home believing I'd gain more time and come up with work pace. I do realise this is just a mental trap but i fall again each time. Most of my distractions reside now on the Internet. Back when it was limited and I had 1 gb of monthly traffic I couldn’t stay there for too long. Back in 2017, when I still used Samsung C3592 my ability to concentrate wasn’t affected at all and I laughed at people who were taking photo of their food for Instagram. Nine years later I’m the same as everyone else. They say the world changed and we can’t go back to older times. That’s right. But this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek balance. The same is with fossil fuel. Everyone used it. But progress meant going away from it.
In today’s technocratic world a human is just another number in data statistics. They are monkeys set to react and push funny buttons on their pokethingies (i.e. phones) as soon as another stimulus appear on the screen. Guh, you know it all without me. And I try to stay out of sites that consume my time so easily. I understand this is a way to go away from reality, partly. I try to start doing some work on Sunday and because of that initially I turned on my PC. Instead I read another nonsense and put my thoughts here on a separate tab little by little trying to avoid the hateful task.
I am so tired of people we deal with. We organise conferences, we collect articles for collections to publish. And good heavens how insolent and rude people are these days. This online-presence eroded all the limits between corporate and private... I miss the other path, the slower one and less connected. These connections erase autonomity of a person.