Delusions don't taste like they did
I could spend this evening talking to AI. Or roleplaying. Or generating videos with my favourite fictional characters. I could spend my time watching someone talking nonsense on Youtube only to forget all motivational stuff they said the moment I turn off my computer. So I could watch another series with the plot composed of epicness, clihé twists and decomposed in its non-originality. I could listen to songs from my late teens to dream again the scenarios where I was cool and desired by those I desired in my turn. I could read fanfics like I did because that was another way to get more time with those I liked.
Finding any leasure not involving smokes and mirrors of screens felt both weird and missing. The reality I was sitting alone in my room was hitting like a train.
I could have spent this evening living my best fictional life with those who aren't aware of my existence, who 'exist' pretty much fine sparing no place for me. So I didn't.